A New Beginning

This entire summer I’ve been having this internal battle within me: How do I live a meaningful life? How do I become the best person I can be? How do I attain my dreams? I am sure we have all asked these questions at one time or another – after all, we only get one life to live. But why does it feel so hard?

It is this battle of wants and needs, of time and money, and of dreams and realism. I am waging this war within me and to be quite honest, I now realize it is impossible to win.

It is impossible because I am comparing two different realms. The dreams we have as kids where we want to become astronauts, presidents, singers, artists, dancers… Those aren’t limited by realism. My dream was to become a writer – and it still is. This comes from the core of my being – my soul, if you will. Yet I was told that writers don’t make money. I pursued something else and now I make money but guess what? My soul doesn’t care about money. I still want to become a writer.

Okay, so I realize what it is that I want to do – great! That is half the battle. Now what?

My personality likes lists and to plan things. I made a plan that I would focus on my health and fitness first (more on that later) and then pursue my dream. After all, I can’t write without my body. I need to take care of myself first.

On paper this seemed like a good plan. So I went with it.

After over a month of eating well and working out, I am beginning to realize that this whole “health and fitness thing” isn’t just a goal. My mindset has shifted. This is not temporary. This is my new normal. How wild is that?

Perhaps even wilder is, I feel completely and utterly confident that I am going to get to where I want to be. So much so that I even skip workouts sometimes. Or eat pizza. And guess what? I’m still losing the weight. See, me not losing the weight isn’t in my reality anymore. I am not just trying to get to a healthy body weight. In my mind, I am already there. I already am walking down the aisle, in my beautiful dress, feeling confident in my skin… I can see it, feel it, smell it, taste it… And I am not letting go of that. So sure, I am not perfect in terms of what I eat or workout. But I am getting where I want to be – by believing that it is completely and utterly possible, and that inside of myself I already have it. The overweight, sad version of myself simply isn’t here anymore. She’ll try to creep in sometimes, but she has no hold on me. After a pizza or pity party, I ask her to leave. And she does.

Now that my new normal consists of waking up early, working out (sometimes twice in one day), and eating better, I have realized that there is still very much part of me that wants to show herself to the world. There is part of me that wants nothing more than to keep typing typing typing on here…to create books, blog posts, podcasts, unique graphic designs, and so much more. I used to focus so much on the how… I used to focus on the fears of not being good enough, or stop myself once I felt momentum because it got too scary. I have realized these behaviors no longer fit me. These limiting behaviors just aren’t who I am anymore. Much like my body, my mind and my soul crave movement and change. I want to write and travel. I can see myself waking up in a king-sized bed with the coziest white sheets, and a cream-colored fuzzy throw. At the other side of the room are french doors that open to an overlook, with a beautiful view of mountains. I have a latte in a large, round white mug that has a hint of chocolate taste to it. My husband is downstairs whipping up breakfast – Sunday pancakes. The cat is curled up on the throw, and the dog is downstairs in the kitchen begging for a slice of turkey bacon. I stretch my arms and yawn, content. I’ve made it – I write books now, speak at conferences all over the world, and design my own amazing graphics for my website.

This is real.

I can feel it deep within me. While I don’t know the exact how, I know it is true. I know that if I keep these images in my head like a compass, I will get to where I desire to be. There is no “end” to my goals. There is only now, and that means that while I can focus on my health and fitness, I cannot neglect the other parts of my soul, either. In fact, now that I’ve formed a healthy habit, it is time to push myself further – to keep challenging myself and growing into the beautiful blossom of a person I am (and that we are all) meant to be.

I am manifesting. I have all the things I need, right at my fingertips. I am letting The Universe reach forward and hand them to me. I am trusting. I am loving. I believe in my truth and that The Universe fully supports me.

Believe in the miracles of this world and live a life worth living.

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