I Stopped Hating Myself.

You read that right. I stopped hating myself.

You might be thinking oh well that’s nice, no one should hate themselves. In a society where self love is now in ads and #selflove and #selfcare are trendy tags, you shouldn’t hate yourself. Self love surrounds us – it’s the new normal. And that’s great!

But what if, in between the body positivity posts and bubble baths, you don’t “love” yourself? What if you feel like you’re just…okay? Or worse, what if you’re like me, caught in a never-ending battle between what I am and who I want to be?

The good news is: you’re not alone.

The bad news is: you’re going to have to shave your legs (or something)

In all seriousness, I was in the shower when it sort of…dawned on me. I had a razor in my hand, without having to think about ugh I need to shave my legs and I hate my legs and I hate how I look and I should just wear pants. I looked down at my painted toes…and felt cute. It sounds silly, but I cannot remember the last time I felt like that. Then again, I don’t remember the last time I painted my toes, either.

When I was in high school, I would shave my legs. I would do my eyebrows. I would do my nails. I would put on nice-smelling lotions. I practiced what is now known as “self care.”

Once I moved out, that all changed. Granted I didn’t realize this changed. I just sort of…stopped. I stopped painting my toenails because they didn’t come out “good enough.” I stopped keeping my legs shaved because it was just “easier.” I stopped wearing makeup because “I didn’t need it.” I stopped using nice-smelling lotions because they were “a waste.” I stopped doing my own eyebrows because getting them waxed was “better.” I didn’t wax my eyebrows because it was too “expensive.”

You get the picture.

Basic self care became a luxury. Perhaps this was fueled by the luxurious bath bombs, candle-lit wine glasses, and lattes with books in rustic cafes that made me feel like self care was “extra.” Instagram posts brought self care to a level I did not see attainable – so I stopped. And over time, it has caught up with me.

This is a gentle reminder that even if your nails come out looking like a 5 year old did them – paint them anyway. Even if you don’t think you’re “worth” the effort – do it anyway. Because while I thought this whole time I had to love myself before taking care of myself… the opposite is the truth.

Be kind to yourself. Be your own best friend. Because you are a beautiful being born from starlight and swirling, glimmering balls of fire.

You are enough.

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