Getting Back on Track

If you asked the 2013 version of myself if I was going to keep blogging, I would have probably came up with an excuse. I would have probably said something along the lines of, “I ran out of things to write about,” “I’m not really feeling it,” or “I’m focusing on other things right now.”

In reality, the 2013 version of myself would have found it absolutely inexcusable to miss one day of posting. My mindset was all or nothing – if I missed a post, it would mean I’m not “good enough” and that there was no point in trying anymore. My brain would replay messages of how much I sucked, and I would just succumb to the beating down of my own dreams.

That sounds awful, doesn’t it? So why do we do this to ourselves?

I have been able to move past it in some areas of my life. I know that I am smart and have potential. I suppose I didn’t really believe that before. I have more confidence in my abilities. But one area where I particularly struggle is with my health.

I think part of the reason why is because there are no external factors, really, when it comes to your health. No one can work out for you. No one can MAKE you work out. You have to find the motivation within you. Only you. And you have to put in the work. For results that realistically only you will know the extent of. It’s all about you.

Being accountable for myself is apparently not my strongpoint. Anytime another (external) factor is involved, be it work or my relationship or what have you, finding motivation and drive is easy. Even if it’s something I don’t particularly enjoy. But when it comes to me? Crickets.

Why are we our own worst enemies? Why do we tear ourselves down, while oftentimes the people around us want to bring us up?

There are a lot of different answers to this. For me, I struggle with the perfectionist mindset. I want to be good at things from the start, and if I’m not good, I don’t want to waste the effort to be mediocre. I always thought that if something was difficult for me, I was supposed to be doing something else. I never thought of the ideas of growth or learning.

I am working toward a growth-based mindset. I am looking to be the best version of myself, but accepting that I am not perfect. It’s a challenge, but I know if I just keep trying my best, I will get to where I want to be.

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