So this past Thursday I got the news that I did not get the job I was going for. It took them a long time to come to the decision, as it was between me and one other candidate. After a grueling waiting game, I got the bad news. And honestly, I am okay with it. Here’s why:
The job itself was a stretch for me. I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone. I knew that there would be a chance that I wouldn’t get the job. But I wouldn’t know unless I tried. I applied, not sure if I would get an interview, never mind become a final candidate. And that’s important. It helped me realize that I am more capable than I originally thought. It helped me realize that pushing myself out of my comfort zone is needed to learn and grow. And while initially it all felt pretty scary, I feel much more comfortable being uncomfortable now. I can learn more and grow more than I could before.
I am better equipped for getting it the next round. I made valuable connections, and learned more about the role than I could have based off of a job description. I also learned that they write in AP style – a style that I can now learn and become proficient in for my next writing assessment. Had I not tried, I would not have learned how much more I want this role, and how to get there.
It inspired a fire within me. Not only do I want this role more now, but I want to prove a point. I want to prove that had they hired me, I would have been able to adapt and grow. I would have been able to master AP style writing. I would have been able to re-learn graphic design. I am now learning this on my own time, and have re-arranged my schedule to allow for more thorough pursuits in those areas. This includes shifting my afternoon workouts to the morning (which, if I’m being honest, working out in the afternoon was not working). I am putting myself first. And more importantly, I realized that I cannot wait to be consistent with my goals when life around me is consistent. Life is constantly changing. Life will never be consistent. But I can be consistent in the choices I make. And there is comfort to be had in routine, even if it is focused on pushing myself to be the best I can be.
It showed that I have made a lot of progress in my mindset. Had this happened a year or two ago, I am not sure if I would have had the same reaction. I can self sabotage. I can beat myself up for not making it. I could turn this whole situation into a pity party of “I’m not good enough.” But I’m not doing that. Instead, I am inspired. I am driven to learn and grow. I am certain that this role is right for me and that I will get it, because I will work for it and make it happen. It’s a relief, too. I have learned that I can change as a person. I can be the bold Amy I want to be. And while I have been resilient, that previously involved a period of hurt and despair… My mind no longer goes there. I no longer see failure as a bad thing, but instead, a learning experience. I must fail to succeed. And after conscious efforts, I feel much better about that.
I will admit that these changes have not happened overnight. I have been fighting the “not good enough” battle for as long as I can remember. It has been a long journey, though there has been some help along the way. My fiancé, James, has been incredible. I’ve also found that my recent readings of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success has been very helpful. I also find myself listening to Brooke Castillo’s Life Coach School podcasts. Admittedly I stopped listening to her podcasts for a bit, but then revisited them and it clicked. Perhaps hearing them more than once helped? But I would suggest taking a listen!
Overall, I’m really proud of myself. I’m proud of myself for getting this far, and for the way I’m handling things and choosing to move forward. I hope that through this post, you can find hope in ending the “not good enough” battle, and see that your failures do not define you, but rather, that they are a part of success.