Self Care or Self Sabotage?

I had intended on going to the gym today.

Yet here I am, sitting at home as it rains outside, typing here instead.  I told myself I needed to relax, I needed to recharge, that I was exhausted and could barely keep my eyes open…  And yet I am doing this now.  I convinced myself it was for self care – that I have a sleep deficit, and that I need to catch up on some z’s.  I convinced myself that maybe I could do something else, like write on my blog, or work on updating my resume.

Sitting here now, I realize I should have just gone to the gym.  Because I found every excuse to not go, masked in “treat yourself” or “productive” fashion.  I self-sabotaged.  And I know I am not the only one that does this.

I decided I was too wiped out from work that I do not enjoy, to go do something that will make me feel better and give me endorphins and endless benefits.  How silly is that?  How is it that our brains are so clever in making these self-sabotaging excuses that are just so convincing at the time, to leave us feeling ashamed after?

Now that I am home, I suppose I can make the most of it and try to cross off more things on my to-do list.  But I am looking at tomorrow with narrow eyes – my focus is to achieve what I committed to.  No matter what.

7 thoughts on “Self Care or Self Sabotage?

  1. This has happened to me before. I can relate. It happens to all of us. I don’t think you self sabatoged. If you really are tired and fatigued that is your body’s way of saying slow down. If you really regret not going to the gym you can change that by doing something like going for a walk or a hike. This will allow you time to reflect and think.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment!

      I think today I was unfortunately playing with a double edged sword. The weather today is pretty garbage, and while I was motivated to get to the gym earlier on the day, as it dragged on, I felt more exhausted. Physically I did not get the best sleep the past two nights, which probably hasn’t helped my cause either. And I am playing catch up at work, so I am more swamped than usual. All in all, those sound like valid reasons. But I know ultimately I should have stuck with what I committed to for today, and that if I did, I would probably feel better physically and mentally (and sleep like a rock tonight).

      It can be so difficult to find that balance when trying to become your best self!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m still learning how to balance all aspects of my life. I’m still learning to balance fitness. We all have off days. I try not to ponder them because you always have tomorrow to try again. When we ponder on that what if, then we miss out on other opportunities.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You’re absolutely right – I can try again tomorrow! No sense in beating myself up. But I do think it’s important for me to try to identify when it’s the self-sabotage talking or my actual self saying I need a break. Tricky stuff!


      3. You are most definitely right!!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. If you want to live life, then you have to turn up. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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