Love and Failure

Earlier this morning, I had to take a licensing exam.  I felt under-prepared, as we were given limited time and resources to study.  I figured I would go in and give my best shot, in hopes it would be enough.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t.  I did not pass, and have to re-take it.  I need a passing score by Friday, and only two more attempts before that day comes (you must wait 24 hours before rescheduling).

Admittedly, my day has felt pretty dreary.  I laid in bed and closed my eyes, my mala necklace around me to keep me grounded, when I saw the color green.  I thought of the green chakra, not even knowing what the green chakra was.  I had the sense that love was the answer.  A quick search after, I saw that the green chakra was the heart chakra and it all made sense.  I was not giving myself enough love.  I was being hard on myself, telling myself I did not do enough, that my efforts were not enough, that I was not good enough…  It clicked and my brain said, ENOUGH of the “enough” stuff.

We have been down this road before.  But I know that it is simply not true.  I know that this one exam score does NOT define me.  One failure does NOT define you.  And in the very least, I have the opportunity to try again.  That is not necessarily a given with other aspects of life.  So why not make the most of it?  Why not focus on that, and spend today to practice some love?

I wanted to sulk.  Eat cookies, binge-watch Netflix, play video games with next to no thinking, and remain stagnant.  But I know these things do not necessarily make me feel BETTER.  What will?  Eating right.  Getting my butt to the gym.  Getting the groceries I need to stay on track and take care of myself.  AND THEN if I still want to sulk and still feel down then fine.  I can change into my pajamas and be done with the day.  I can do my nails and my eyebrows and have some cookies and embrace the smell of our Christmas tree.

But right now, I need to not remain stagnant, and let this one small thing overcome me.  I am better than that.

For those of you who get thrown for a loop when things don’t go right, I completely understand.  Just remember that it is always an opportunity to learn and grow.  Remember that you are unique – you have so many incredible, beautiful layers to you, and it is impossible for one single thing to define that incredible being that you are.

10, 15, 20 years from now?  I probably won’t even remember this.

Don’t sweat it.  Push forward.

 

 

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