I know I am not alone when I say I have been hurt. We all have been through pain, and our struggles are valid. When I was hurt, I shut down completely. I was anxious to talk to – and to trust – other people. I was easily startled by sudden movements, and apologized constantly.
I am so grateful for the loving people that have helped bring me up from my darkest places. However, I realized recently that I am not completely healed. Sometimes, that hurt still lingers, even when you have moved far forward from your lowest point. And in my case, sometimes you do not overtly realize it.
When the idea of opening up to my spiritual side was proposed, my initial reaction was one of repulsion. I did not have time for that – I had accomplishments and goals to achieve. I had a career to grow. I felt like losing weight was more important. But soon I realized that my initial, knee-jerk reaction was coming from a place of pain. I was against my spiritual side, not because I did not believe (it is very hard not to considering some of the experiences I have had), but because I perceived it as vulnerable. I did not want to break the outer shell I had created for myself. I was holding myself back from being my whole self.
So, after considering opening up to the idea of embracing my spirituality, I decided to ask the Universe for a sign. I was up late the night before, and was going to take a nap. I asked if it would be possible to give me a dream that would let me know what to do. I did not do any kind of prayer or ritual; I just asked for a sign as I closed my eyes. I did not expect an answer.
In my nap, I dreamt about doing yoga (cobra pose specifically, if you’re wondering). While I was trying to breathe and settle into the pose, the yoga mat kept getting tugged from under my hands. I was trying to connect and resonate with the energy of the Universe, but the mat kept getting pulled. It was frustrating, but I kept trying and trying…
When I awoke (physically and metaphysically), I realized that I was neglecting my spiritual side. Yoga and meditation had been ways I connected previously, but I had strayed far from that. And thoughts of tending to my spiritual side were usually quickly dashed away for convenience’s sake. Who had time for all that junk, anyway?
The message I received from the silly dream was that I needed to tend to my spirit. I needed to listen to my intuition and embrace it. I needed to break out of the shell I lived in for so long, and live fully. I was pulling the mat and spiritual foundation from underneath myself, leaving myself unbalanced. I needed to stop neglecting my true self.
Since then, I have taken measures to tend to my spirit. I listen to the intuitive feelings I have, and listen to the messages received when the switch is turned “on” (that’s actually how this whole blog began!). I am on a life long journey, and am so grateful that you have chosen to join me.
I know it can be very difficult to open up – especially after being hurt. But I can assure you that the Universe will not give up on you, and it will be there to support you when you are ready to live fully again. Healing takes time, but ultimately your spirit will be so much stronger for it. And as always, if there is ever anything I can do to help, feel welcome to reach out to myself or others within this developing community. This blog will always be a place of discovery, love, and healing.